Ah 2011. You are almost over. I'm hung over from a night of fancy cocktails (followed by a visit to a not so fancy gay bar/club), so excuse my lack of eloquence and limited vocabulary. I'm listening to Pearl Jam, which introduces some nostalgic qualities into my mindset that I can hopefully take advantage of in this post.

With another year about to wrap up, it's a good time to reflect on what was a pretty tumultuous 12 months.

My Aunt Lois passed away this year suddenly. She was only 60 years old. At 32, this is the first relative who has passed away after I've become an "adult". I saw her only 2 months before she passed away, at Rosh Hashanah dinner. She was a lesbian and the only other gay member of my immediate family. She experienced significant difficulty throughout her life, and she really seemed to admire how openly I was living my life as a gay man. We related on the level of having to face the discrimination that all gay people must face, but she grew up in a time when it was far less accepted. She had a relationship with a woman for several years that I never knew about, and toward the end of her life - seemed to be at peace. She was kind and genuine. I am lucky to have had her in my life, and would be equally lucky to have had some of that same kindness and humility rub off on me.

With Aunt Lois' death, I was really made to appreciate how much my family means to me. Above all else, they are there for me always. I don't know what I would do without even 1 of them. They are so dear to me, and if anything - it has made me refocus on the fact that I really do want a family of my own. Life is too short to be spent alone, and loving and being loved is what life is all about.

Alex is still a smelly, sweet dog. He's currently in the laundry room. "Alex - OUT!" I probably say that at least 3-4 times per day. And "Alex - NO. BAD BOY". But I also say "Is there a baby here?" and "What a good boy!" hopefully equally as often.

Work-wise - I think it's fair to say this last year was the most difficult of my career thus far. I had to lay off a large # of people, abandon a lease, take over the accounting duties myself for the entire company, shut down another business unit and then take my entire life savings (outside of my home equity though I did contemplate selling my apartment) and put them into the business. Multiple times I contemplated shutting down the company. We were bleeding money and I was miserable. But I think it's safe to say that the tide has turned for us over the past 6 months. We are profitable again, focusing on growing existing business units and starting up more related ventures and I'm no longer handling the bookkeeping. God bless outsourcing. I am optimistic again and in many areas of the business - excited again. I am also recognizing that my area of expertise is starting a business, not running it. Testing and launching new products and services, and refining them after they launch. I really need to rededicate myself this year to growing the top line of the business, and working toward an exit.

I really want to be free of the business at this point. I don't know specifically what I want to do if I were to sell the business (which will require extraordinary effort over the past year), but I'm ready to try something new. The business is still very intellectually challenging, but I need a break. I've done this for almost 11 years now, and my dream about being involved in gay civil rights causes has not waned. I continue to think about running for elected office, but at the same time - I don't know if I'm cut out for that sort of life. I have miles to go before I consider that.

On the relationship front, I am seeing someone right now. He's younger than me and very sweet and attractive, but thus far- no real butterflies when I see him. But regardless, he's good company and it's nice after a long time of not having much companionship, to have someone who is there in a very tangible, real way. I pursued someone this year that was less than straight-forward in communicating his interest level, and it's actually interesting that someone who is 7 years younger is more mature and level-headed in approaching a possible relationship than what I considered to be a more appropriate individual. My friend Jason brought up a good point - the reason why a potential relationship is not working out matters less than the fact that it is simply not progressing. I can't help but continue to be a romantic though when it comes to matters of the heart. I want nothing less to be head over heels in love with whoever I marry. I want to be married once, for my entire life with the one person that makes me whole, understands me, whom I understand and that will lay the groundwork for a stable, loving family like I was fortunate enough to have had in my childhood. My parents set a high bar - one that I seek to emulate.

I am extremely lucky to have such amazing friends, and have met many new ones over the past year. I really have very few complaints on the social landscape.

New Year's Resolutions - hmm. Of course I could say a six pack, but I don't see that really as an appropriate resolution. I feel that any resolution should align with your true interests and desires. To be honest, I could care less if I had a six pack. But even as I write this, I realize the need to become more well read and eloquent in my use of language. For any pursuit, it's vital. So 4 resolutions:

1) Finish 1 book per month.
2) Take excellent care of my health.
3) Focus on a business exit.
4) Form deeper relationships with friends - old and new.

That's it! Goodbye 2011. Hello to a welcome, fresh beginning.